praise and thanksgiving

I'm not sure how my blog posts have come across this semester to everyone else, but I think my overall sentiment has been ungrateful. That may sound harsh but I had a moment the other day when I finally realized just how incredibly blessed I am right now. Somehow with all the pressure for after graduation and in my friendships and wanting what other people have, I forgot to say thank you to the God who gives me more than I deserve. If I truly got what I deserved I would have nothing and I seem to walk around forgetting that fact every single day. I wish I could say that starting now I am never going to forget all the wonderful things in my life, but that would be a complete lie. I am constantly looking for "the next great thing." The blog directly below this, anyone? I mean really... Wow, it is so good for me to see my thoughts out in the open like this though and hopefully by my brutal honesty to myself, someone else can learn a little something, too.

I know I have felt unsettled and anxious for a while now and am just now seeing that the plans I am making are ridiculous and will definitely fail if I ignore the Truth. I might be freaking out almost daily with all the changes about to happen, but when I really sit to think about what to do, I realize it is not up to me and never will be. I can only hope to retain some humbleness once I am off trying to make it in the world because lately it has been so easy to try and do everything myself and make my own life plan. I have already suffered disappointment and my life is not where I would like for it to be right now in many ways, but I really need to keep myself in check and not put that much pressure on myself to succeed. If I keep this up I can see my perfectionism turning into something much darker and scarier so I think my realization the other day that I already have so much to be thankful for really was a saving Grace. The only reason I listened finally was because for one day I actually stayed quiet and tried to quit thinking about myself for like five minutes. I pray for peacefulness all the time but I never take the time to physically sit still, so consider this my note-to-self on that point!
So, anyone who reads this, take the time to sit still sometime this week and see what you may learn :)

the next great thing

Maybe I am just having the weirdest week/weekend ever, but I actually feel ready to graduate. I still only have class two days a week and nothing else filling my days to make me feel worthwhile, so I think I am just ready for the next challenge that gives me more value. I am always happier when I have a lot going on(even the worries that go along with that) and right now that's just not happening. While sometimes it is nice to be able to make my own schedule and have time to do things for myself, it feels selfish to just run errands and go to the gym all day. I spend most days daydreaming about what I'll do next and where I'll live and what I'll be doing and who I'll be doing it with. It is still so crazy to think how different my life will look at this time next year and that I really have no idea what that will be! I have broken down a lot lately thanks to the anxiety and the unknown but at the same time, in a weird way, I am grateful for the not-knowing. One thing I do wish, though, is that I would not have to go to any more career fairs.....ugh..... I think I genuinely have a hatred for them.

I am extremely grateful for the time I have had lately to put into some friendships that I have neglected for a majority of college. It is so important to me not to lose touch of people who I love and hope that even though it is impossible to stay close to people forever and ever, that we can retain all these important friendships in the next phase of our lives. I look back on friendships I have kept from high school into college and, while they aren't exactly the same, they are equally valuable to me and that's pretty amazing. If you looked at the group of girls we were in high school and the same group of girls when we get together now, we have all changed but still kept who we are and why we all work well together. An outsider might not pick each of us to be in the same group, but four years later it still works. I hope beyond all hope that that is the case for my friends I have from college too. My friendships here look incredibly different from high school ones because we don't all have the same exact group(less drama anyway) so I have been able to get to know people on all ends of the spectrum. I can't tell if after college that will be a good or bad thing because we won't be able to all get together a lot and that will make me sad. I guess I just spend a lot(and I mean a LOT) of time trying to picture what my life and I as a person will look like next year and on into life after college. Ridiculous and pointless, but it is hard not to at least try.

I would love to know if anyone else is having these same thoughts and worries right now because sometimes it feels like I am the only person in the world spending all this time thinking and wondering while everyone else has it more figured out.
Please pray for me to be patient and content with the here and now, if you don't mind!

Law of Bonnie

The title of this blog comes from Annie and my term for my life. If anything weird/awkward/bad happens to anyone, chances are it has happened to me before, too. Case in point: I somehow got mono at the end of last semester. No I did not get it that way, I have no idea who was nice enough to hand the virus over. Lucky me: law of Bonnie.

Yesterday an 80-year-old grandma in the car in front of me flicked me off. I am not kidding, I was mortified and I didn't even do anything wrong! She stopped in the middle of a green light(who doesn't , right?) so I tapped my horn and then WHAM. finger in the air. classy. Law of Bonnie.

For the second time this year, a guy who seemed for whatever reason to enjoy my company, went away on a break(Thanksgiving, Winter) and came back with a girlfriend. That's so neat. Does not do much for the self-esteem though, that's for sure. At this point in my life, I am surrounded, and I mean SURROUNDED by people either starting a relationship, in a serious relationship, or ending a serious relationship. That translates to 90% of my time is spent helping analyze guys' actions and words and acting like my life is just so peachy because I am single. That's a lie but I am trying really hard to focus on other things that are a lot more important right now, like finding a job!

My dream is to move to new york city and live with some of my best friends from high school :) and try hard not to starve on the small salary I have, if I even have one! So please pray for me to have success in the process of applying and having everything fall into place in the end. It is so hard to believe this is it. My last semester of school ever. I think I will be ready to move on from classes and maybe even Athens by the end, but until that point I am going to put all my time and effort into enjoying the moments we have. If you need a good song to listen to, any of you seniors, listen to "Best Days" by Graham Colton. Sums up our lives right now I think!

blessings all over the place

I think yesterday was the greatest day ever. UGA HEROs raised over $306,000 this year which was something I never truly believed possible. I may have acted confident in our goal on the outside but inside, I think I did not have enough faith to believe in us. I have never been happier to be wrong in my entire life! When that total was announced yesterday, I have never been so surprised and overwhelmed and happy and satisfied. I have been so blessed to have been given the opportunity to take even a small part in this organization for the last year. Good times and bad, I have learned more about myself and what it means to live by faith than I ever imagined. I played at the HERO Olympics all day yesterday with my new little friend Josalyn and had the best time ever acting like a goofball kid. Too bad I can't spin around like a used to, I almost got sick on one ride while Josalyn spun me around in circles which is really sad! She taught me how to dance a little better(not much improvement there) but also gave me a chance to know where the money we raise can really help these children to have not only one day of fun, but a lifetime of growth-let's hope. Thank you to all of you who supported me this year and put up with my many many fundraising pleas- it all came full circle yesterday, I promise!

Add on top of that emotional rollercoaster the fact that the #1 and #2 football teams in the country lost last night, giving us a (small) chance at a national championship game.....what a day what a day. And that, my friends, is why December 1, 2007 was my greatest day so far. Where do I go from here?

it's all about adjusting.

It's been an interesting week since my last post. I have had to deal with a pretty bad mood that's been hanging over my head for no real reason, which is not exactly fun. I am learning to do a better job of communicating because of some recent events and hope that I can be a better friend for it. I learn so much from my friends and even if I don't always want to hear it, I know it is important to hear criticism and hopefully do a good job of taking it gracefully. let's just say that part of my personality needs some improvement.

On the flip side, I kind of love that all the stores are starting to put up christmas decorations. i know some people get angry since it isn't even thanksgiving yet, but i really do just love this time of year. i went into starbucks today and they had peppermint mocha! woohoo! i am a total cheeseball but i love it! I can't even believe how quickly it got so cold and i am already running out of warm clothes but yay for sweaters and scarves! especially the scarves part.... be prepared to see that allll winter long from me :)

Well, that's all for now from me. Please pray for me to get out of this funky mood soon- we'll all be better for it!
peace

it's good to be in athens.

After what was probably the best fall break of all time, it really is good to be back in athens! I still can't really believe that football game saturday but am so glad to be here with all of the amazing energy and pride I think we all have right now. It is kind of weird to know that was most likely my last time going to St. Simons for GA/FL but we really made the most of it and had a blast!

I am still no closer to figuring out next year but am just in love with this place and the people around me and look forward to sharing everything on here once I do have an idea of where I will be and what I will be doing. In the meantime, I plan to really take time away from school and stress and just focus on knowing people and loving people. It's funny, I think I thought that since I had been here so long already that I had met all the people who would be my greatest friends but I was SO wrong. I constantly meet new people who teach me how to be a better person, which I believe is our purpose right now. College is for becoming a better person and taking a little bit of everyone you meet along the way, both the good and the bad. I can't even believe what a difference four years can make in your life. I have changed so much since freshman year and have learned more than I ever imagined about how to relate best to people and how to look at myself in different ways as well. I have a lot more to learn, though.

Since I don't really have a whole lot more to say abouot life, I just want to give a shout out to anyone who reads this to please please vote for the University of Georgia Hero Olympics on www.grablifegivelife.com so we can hopefully win some money for a great cause! We are in the top 5 right now and need to stay there so help me out- it only takes 10 seconds! Thanks and sorry for the advertising ;)
-Peace-

back and better than ever...

ok, no false promises this time. Instead of trying to catch up on everything that has happened since I wrote on this last time, consider this a fresh start. I have been doing so much thinking and praying lately, that it seems like there is a lot going on in my head that could be on here. I think the biggest reason I haven't updated in a while is that I just didn't have anything exciting going on but I do have a lot of thoughts so here goes.

This is such an amazing time in my life. I am completely and totally unsure of what life holds for me after this year and college is over, but as scary as that is, it is the most excited I have been in a long time. I love the idea that the next step is not laid out and that I am not signed up for anything definite yet. My parents may not exactly think that's the best idea, but as usual, they are being so supportive and are eager for me to set out in the next direction. Any ideas? I am definitely up for suggestions at this point! It's funny that I am not really scared to death or even that worried, it is more of a peace about not knowing and believing enough in myself to think I'm going to be doing something. Let's just hope I don't eat my words in a year.

I have been incredibly blessed in my friendships this year and all throughout college. I am learning so much from everyone around me and really taking everything in right now because I really do want to grow and understand the lives of people around me. I love hearing everyone's stories and experiences and figuring out where I fit into all of this. To me, life is about relationships and our interactions with one another can really change everything if we let them. I absolutely would not be the person I am right now or who I will become in the future without each and every person who has been placed in my life and hopefully will continue to be placed in my life. I really am learning to appreciate just the time we spend with one another and not worry so much about the things I have to do or places I need to be.

I hope to be able to write more throughout this year and to see how much I am learning and working out as I get closer to life outside of Athens because I think sometimes half the struggle of getting somewhere is just understanding the journey. Can't wait to see what's coming up, so stay tuned.