Maybe I am just having the weirdest week/weekend ever, but I actually feel ready to graduate. I still only have class two days a week and nothing else filling my days to make me feel worthwhile, so I think I am just ready for the next challenge that gives me more value. I am always happier when I have a lot going on(even the worries that go along with that) and right now that's just not happening. While sometimes it is nice to be able to make my own schedule and have time to do things for myself, it feels selfish to just run errands and go to the gym all day. I spend most days daydreaming about what I'll do next and where I'll live and what I'll be doing and who I'll be doing it with. It is still so crazy to think how different my life will look at this time next year and that I really have no idea what that will be! I have broken down a lot lately thanks to the anxiety and the unknown but at the same time, in a weird way, I am grateful for the not-knowing. One thing I do wish, though, is that I would not have to go to any more career fairs.....ugh..... I think I genuinely have a hatred for them.
I am extremely grateful for the time I have had lately to put into some friendships that I have neglected for a majority of college. It is so important to me not to lose touch of people who I love and hope that even though it is impossible to stay close to people forever and ever, that we can retain all these important friendships in the next phase of our lives. I look back on friendships I have kept from high school into college and, while they aren't exactly the same, they are equally valuable to me and that's pretty amazing. If you looked at the group of girls we were in high school and the same group of girls when we get together now, we have all changed but still kept who we are and why we all work well together. An outsider might not pick each of us to be in the same group, but four years later it still works. I hope beyond all hope that that is the case for my friends I have from college too. My friendships here look incredibly different from high school ones because we don't all have the same exact group(less drama anyway) so I have been able to get to know people on all ends of the spectrum. I can't tell if after college that will be a good or bad thing because we won't be able to all get together a lot and that will make me sad. I guess I just spend a lot(and I mean a LOT) of time trying to picture what my life and I as a person will look like next year and on into life after college. Ridiculous and pointless, but it is hard not to at least try.
I would love to know if anyone else is having these same thoughts and worries right now because sometimes it feels like I am the only person in the world spending all this time thinking and wondering while everyone else has it more figured out.
Please pray for me to be patient and content with the here and now, if you don't mind!
well, this one's awkward.
5 weeks ago