high strung?? not me....

i can't even believe how stressed out i have been and how much i have let school get to me. i like to think that most of the time i manage my stress and don't take it out on other people but clearly lately that has not been the case. I have been living and breathing projects and tests and i am sooo over it. i really think sometimes i should just take my own advice and let it go! i mean if you read my posts from a couple weeks ago, i said i was "getting perspective" and realizing what was important. then one bad week comes along and i throw that all out the window and get all high strung. not cool, bonnie.

i did get to be a little social this weekend though and went to twilight and then renee's videopalooza party to see the video from cadiz last year. made me sad to see all the places we went but it was sooo fun to hang out with everyone and we played an awesome/hilarious trivia game. twilight is always really fun too because athens just feels so full of energy and has the neatest atmosphere. i didn't see any cool crashes though so that was kind of sad...haha i am kinda morbid today i guess! oops.

well today is kind of a short post because, like i said, i have no life right now outside of school so not much else is going on. sad day. look for more updates when i get my life back...

a little inspiration

ok tonight is all about me bragging on hero. OMG we have already raised over $78,500 in just four months which is more than all of last year combined!!!!!! We ALSO won best organization of the year and 2007 best campus event for the hero olympics so it's safe to say we are kind of on a high right now! i could not be more proud to be a part of it all even in the smallest bit and see how enthusiastic all the committee members are...one girl has already brought in $3500- i mean, i think she might be insane but it works out great for us. anyways that was just the perfect boost for what has easily the most stressful week of my college career. two papers, 3 tests, a presentation, and 2 projects later i am alive to tell about it but it's hard to go the whole week and not really have time to just chill and hang out with the people i care the most about. i realllly don't function well like this but i'm just gonna keep truckin' til next week when this is all almost over. crazy to think it's so close to summer now- i'm not ready to be a senior! i'm really not, like that is not a joke in the least. i am not ready to say goodbye to some of my favorite people who will be leaving me shortly for bigger and better things in the world :(

enough about the sad stuff, i just got back from dinner with some of the people i went to spain with last summer and who i definitely have not seen enough of this semester. if someone had told me this time last year that i would come back with such an incredibly close group of friends after that trip, i would have told them they were crazy but that is exactly what happened! more so than so many of my friends who have gone on study abroad trips, our group is just amazingly close and get along great and really do(minus this semester) see a good amount of each other. we pretty much go to dinner once a month at least and have big blowout parties like twice a semester which is a lot considering we all have other friends and things going on. these people are amazing. i know i talk about my spain trip and all the people from it way too much, but they are so much a part of why i have been so happy this year and just so fulfilled after last summer. they made that trip what it was and every time we hang out i am reminded of how much FUN we have even though we have been back for almost a year(sooo crazy to think about!). just shows me how God placed each of those people there for a distinct purpose and i am so very appreciative of the time we got to spend there. the group i am going to london with has a lot to live up to in my eyes! just kidding. but seriously...

haha well grey's is about to start and helen and annie and maybe waud are coming to watch with me- hooray!
more thoughts on my life later-

still learning

wow, what a weekend. A lot of this weekend was about me facing things i don't necessarily like about myself. not to sound like poor, pitiful me or anything but the last few days have been pretty rough just learning some stuff about myself that is upsetting but also hopefully will make me better off in the long run. i had some interesting reactions to situations i wouldn't have guessed would make me act so weird or feel so down... so as usual i decided to think so much about it my head started hurting and i ended up crying. sometimes crying is good though and i seriously do feel a lot better now(might be the 5 kinds if medicine i am taking for my illness but whatever!) i haven't slept well the last few nights either which doesn't really help alleviate the emotions or stress so hopefully once i am done with my papers and tests i can relax and realize life shouldn't be this hard!

Luckily tonight i got to go to ruf leadership dinner which is pretty much exactly what i needed to make myself feel better and even be a little social. i also got to "study" outside with my sweet friends which really made the day that much more beautiful! It's amazing how a change in weather and scenery can really make you feel 10 times better and change the mood also. i have had a lot of time to just sit and think about everything and find time to myself over the weekend which is really important to me. i don't function very well without some alone time. so while i was supposed to be studying for my research exam i also fit in some time to process my thoughts on life and myself and that's where the real learning happened i think. it's funny how sometimes i think i have myself figured out but then someone points something out or i am in a situation i am not prepared for, and i am a totally different person than i thought. that happened this weekend but i think now i am understanding more which is what college is all about- not just understanding school stuff but understanding people, including myself.

Well that's enough deep stuff for now, until next time! ha hopefully it will be a little more lighthearted...

overwhelmed

Ever since everything that happened on monday i have just kind of been thoughtful and not feeling very social at all. it is probably a combination of all of the tragedy and also the fact that school is hanging over my head and causing a little stress. but at the same time when i feel myself complaining about my unfortunate stress or whatever i have to realize how small my worries really are compared to what else is going on in the world. as always, a little perspective goes a long way... my heart still goes out to everyone at virginia tech as they attempt to not only understand what happened but also come to terms with their loss. i hope there are more stories of heroism and courage in the face of whatever monster could so something like that. i have been grappling with the idea that one "human" could have that much evil inside. what he did was not human. something bigger than humanity was at play in that person's mind and that is extremely terrifying and hard to comprehend- even a little bit. i like John Mayer's lyrics that "the heart of life is good" but you have to wonder which life really is good. i know i don't believe this is all we have to look forward to, especially when things like this are going on and there is so much pain. it's just really overwhelming to think about, even for me all the way down here in georgia so i cannot imagine how the students at Va Tech are dealing.

One other thing that really has been laying on my heart though is how much good we have the ability to do with our time. I had my last hero committee meeting tonight and just knowing that all of those college students are using time they could be doing tons of other things to instead raise money and help our cause, my faith in people gets really strong. i see the good we have been able to accomplish already and that makes me feel comforted that there really is so much more good around even amongst such evil.

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On a lighter note- if anyone was riding in the milledge bus i was running alongside of yesterday that then shut the door in my face when i got to it, i bet you had a good laugh. it was not my best moment on the milledge bus line i have to say. mean driver... oh, and i was running with coffee in my hands(yes i was that girl). anything i can do to provide a little entertainment for y'all!

prayers needed

Before I can even think about doing any schoolwork, I really need to just think about everything that has gone on today up at Virginia Tech. It is absolutely devastating to think of the damage one person(well, hopefully it was just one) inflicted on an entire community of people that spans to affect the whole U.S. i think this tragedy really hits all of us at uga so hard because blacksburg could so easily be compared to athens. it could have happened here and that's tough to swallow. i mean, these students were in class at the same time as me, doing exactly what i do on a monday morning and the next thing they know they were changed forever as we all watched. to hear the students talk on the news made me think it could have been any of my friends, both here or far away, and i just need to say how much i love each and every one of you and we do not say that enough. i pray that the families and friends of the victims can find some kind of solace in the fact that the whole nation is here in support and hopefully the good wins out in the end but it is hard to see that perspective with such evil all around. how can a person do something like that- it seems like a monster from a movie...

the lucky one...

Wow I am so blessed. The whole family just came up to run AOII run for the roses and were such troopers! It was freezing but they drove up anyway and i love them for that. Lisa's been here all weekend so it's been fun to see athens through the eyes of someone so new to it all. I felt a little bit like a tour guide but i hope she got something out of it (besides the cute dresses)! I still can't believe she gets to start this whole college thing while i'm about to be a senior. sooo excited for her but definitely a bittersweet feeling for me.

I am so incredibly pumped for my london trip now after we had our meeting thursday. I think it will be an amazing opportunity for me to see if london is somewhere i would want to be long-term or not. It's always been this far off dream for me to be in england but now i really get to see if the culture and way of life over there is something i could get used to and maybe go back more permanently. scary thought but also really motivating for me to try to do and see as much as possible while i'm there this summer! i really hope i get as much out of this trip as i did from last year's. i don't know if i have ever grown up so much or learned so much about myself and other people as i did when i went to cadiz last summer. something about being put with a whole group of people you don't really know and who are all equally excited for this great chance makes it easy to bond and get to know each other and, out of that, learn about yourself. i know i became a lot more introspective but also more confident last summer and i attribute a lot of that to being in a foreign environment with a group of people i barely knew and just having to branch out and experience life on my own terms. it is all exremely liberating and made me have a lot better perspective of life overall and what things i value the most and that is why going again this summer is so important to me. i still have a lot of growing up to do before i can make decisions about my life so i hope maybe this summer will be another opportunity for me to do that and come back with some kind of clarity and maybe a plan?! ha doubtful... I used to be a planner but now i am kind of forced to just go with it and see what happens. my life should be pretty interesting i would think!

so little time...

i really can't believe how few weeks of school we have left....and how MUCH will fit into all of them. School is pretty much kicking my butt right now but that's ok it will be over soon and then I will be on my way to London. Yup, that's right my dream of finally living there will come true this summer when I'm doing an internship and also traveling down to Cadiz,Spain-where i was last year- :) to see annie. life really doesn't get much better than that! luckily i have all that to look forward to while i'm struggling to like/pass school.

A little shameless plug for HERO- my committee is putting on a percentage night at JR's downtown wednesday night so if you are in athens, please come upstairs and help us out! I'll be there so you should definitely come...

It was so great to go home for Easter this weekend and hang out with the whole family. I seriously have the most generous parents anyone could ask for and am really really grateful to them. lisa and i also decided she is coming to stay here this weekend! yay! i'm so pumped for her to come on a non-football weekend and see the greatest place ever where she will be next year- crazy.... makes me feel pretty old....

well that's it for now- more thoughts on life later... ;)

Dance!

Last night was a whole new level of procrastination for me, but I honestly have so much more energy than I would have had, had I not spent that time with people i love! Annie played this great song all night called "Dance" by Caedmon's Call that I think everyone needs to listen to on a daily basis, especially if you are stressed and need a break like i did(alright,honestly, i listened to it like 7 times...) If you drove by redeemer at about, oh, 11:00 last night you would have understood what it means to dance(B.Aills has got some moves)! But everything I did yesterday to avoid my presentation and test today was extremely good for me. Rob's message at RUF last night was powerful and really hit right where I was the day before about feeling confused and wanting to have all the answers right now. He told some awesome stories of things that didn't make any sense at the time but then later you realize it was God's idea the whole time, you just needed to have a little patience. Crazy to think about but also awesome to step back and get a little perspective. I mean, who am I to think I have it all figured out and know the best thing for me? HA that is a good joke since I can't even make a powerpoint without getting distracted for like 9 hours.... and that is why Annie's song(which will now officially be our theme song so no one steal it) was so great because instead of me sitting here worrying about the future and why thing's aren't happening exactly like I want them to, I need to just appreciate all the precious gifts I have like great friends who will act like complete idiots just because I need the break! Life is GOOD!!!!!

so thankful...

today i am just so thankful to have the friends that i do. today was one of those days where i needed someone to listen, be patient, and hear me out and i had a few people who cared enough to pay attention and give some really good advice :) sometimes i have to just get my thoughts out in the open and then i feel better, even if the problem isn't exactly solved or even over. i think there is nothing more important during this time in my life than having amazing people in it to share it with and learn from. i have been so incredibly blessed to have people who are honest and don't just necessarily tell me what i want to hear to quiet me down. i cherish honesty. the people closest to me understand that if you want to know the real thoughts and feelings i have, you have to first tell it to me like it is and not sugar coat anything.... thanks for that today, annie :)

I also got the opportunity to chat with sweet Waud for a while which to me was a huge bright spot in a very stressful day! I love that i had some of the same feelings and worries about everything that she has had coming to uga and it is comforting to know that i was not the only one who didn't just come here, fit in, and love athens immediately. it takes time to get there and it is refreshing to talk to someone else who may have struggled and is now so content and is also pretty awesome too! i'm still learning to be content where i am and that's something i thought about a lot today...as usual, i think too much and overanalyze everything but today i feel especially anxious about a lot of things that i seriously need to get over and embrace the now. easier said than done i think. i really should be researching for school rather than sitting here analyzing life but this is nothing new for me. if you have any clarity in life or can see the future, let me know because it's all a little hazy to me right now and i am working on just trusting that God will provide and has my plan already set. until then, i will just stay confused...

for real???

ok i know how stupid this sounds, but i just got done watching the bachelor and could not believe some of the girls were allowed to even be on camera.... i know that show is a huge joke in general but i think this season might even be the worst yet because either the girls are barbie blonde or completely weird for the most part. wow...

alright since that really has no relevance to life or what i really care about, i'm done venting for tonight!

tonight at our hero exec. we actually got a chance to hang out and just relax for a minute which was awesome and the stuff we talked about really helped me stay motivated to raise a ton of money and get pumped for us to do some really awesome stuff to fundraise for the kids in atlanta. i know my friends get so tired of hearing me talk about hero all the time but it is something i really believe in and feel like i am actually making a difference. so for me, it has been one of the most positive things i have been involved with in my life. i think thats why i like this year in college so much. instead of spreading myself over 100 different activities and events in small ways, i put more effort into the things and people i love and who make me feel loved and important. it is a blessing that i even have the chance to do any of this and i really really believe it is our obligation to give back and do as much good as we can with the opportunties we are given. my dad has been the biggest influence with that point of view in my life and hope that when i am older and have a family, i will have the means to give as much as i can because that really is what makes me happy. that may sound incredibly cheesy and insincere but i guess it's what i'm thinking and that's what this is for, right?

today i got to sit at walker's to study and got distracted thinking about how much i really do just love athens. i don't think i would have seen that coming as a freshman when i didn't really feel comfortable here at all but now i know that this place is the perfect town for me right now. to sit outside and just enjoy everything around me(while still kinda being productive?)-life doesn't get much better!

something new

well i decided to start a blog. i know most people won't care about this but i think it's pretty neat and i have a lot going on in my head so this might be good...

anyways i am sitting here right now listening to the rain which is awesome, so i decided not to do my spanish paper but instead to do something i actually care about: write my thoughts. right now i am in the middle of a lot of different emotions coming mostly from the fact that i am really really happy. Not that i have been unhappy lately, but right now life is pretty great. i have some amazing new friends who i adore and who i have really enjoyed spending time with as of late and for that i feel so blessed.
i can't believe that pretty soon i will be heading into my last year of college. I am not one of those people who has savored every minute or enjoyed every second at uga but now that i can see the end, i am very content to stay here (forever) and enjoy the moment. it's not that i regret how i have spent the last three years because everything has brought me to this exact point, i just know that for the rest of my time i intend to appreciate it all. that goes for everything in my life. i tend to get wrapped up in my busy schedule and forget about the things that are important and that make me feel better about myself so i have to check myself often and simply slow down. today is one of the days where i am getting perspective and taking a step back from stress. it really is not worth it- that's the biggest thing i have learned in college. three years ago i could not see everything that way and i am so grateful to have been able to change by viewpoint on some of what matters. that's not to say i never worry or put unimportant things on a pedestal, but i do try to spend time with people rather than work stuff and not get into a hole. gotta live for today, right?
well thats all for now- until next time!